can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid.

she thought quietly to herself "this is a joke".

how could the world spin out of control on her in a matter of days,hours,seconds? her world was crumbling right before her eyes. she never realized how deep she was. she never realized that the hole she falls into every now and then, gets deeper each time she falls into it.

she paused, collected her thoughts and tried to forget everything. her mind raced, mimicking the speed of a lion in the African Savannah chasing dinner after it hadn't had a meal for days.

"why does my body do this to itself?"

she didn't need to inflict pain physically, she did it emotionally and mentally. she thought of what she'd done wrong, how she had betrayed herself and gone against her beliefs. she needed to be stronger. she needed to forgive, forget, and love herself the way she was, the shape she was.

"i'm so far behind, i can't see the light"

she thought it was sad, that feeling of being alone, upset, and not knowing if people actually understood her. that act she put on wasn't working anymore. people were seeing through her, seeing the real person she was. that real person she didn't want anyone to see. ANYONE. no one knew the real person she was because no one would like the REAL person she was. she wasn't the great person people thought she was. people put her on a pedestal far too high. the only thing she could do, was fall. fall from that pedestal and it was so high, she would die from falling, not the impact. gravity would make her brain turn to the consistency of jello and as she hit the ground, it would gently ooze out of her head to make a perfect circle around what used to be her head. that blood would be the most graceful act she had ever a part of.

" i need time, i need more time than i'm allowed to collect myself"

she shook her head with such force, she lost her balance. she knew what she had to do. she had to cry. but the tears weren't there. she couldn't find them. in their place were eyes, wide, dull and stunned. you know that saying " a deer caught in the headlights"? well, that was personified in her at that moment.

"it's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved before"

she had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but if it didn't bring her solstice, then she might as well pack up and go home.

"i have more secrets than a teenage girl's diary"

she looked at the clock,"collect yourself woman, put on your happy face and do your job".

she was the joke.